Rosemary Draven

Friendship has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Not in a whiny way, but in the introspective, pacing-the-floor way that feels like working through a tough plot point. At my age, calling someone a best friend feels like a luxury—a rare gem. I thought I had one of those. But lately, I keep circling back to the Nine Inch Nails song “Only.”

“ Yes I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell I think maybe it’s because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
There is no you, there is only me.”

The lyrics echo in my thoughts, stark and unapologetic. What if it’s true? What if the only person who can truly hurt us is ourselves? It’s not them—it’s the hopes and expectations we place on them. To be loved. To be seen. To be valued. When those expectations are unmet, the pain cuts deep, like a blade we unknowingly handed them.

I’m in the middle of a supernova of a friendship—a cataclysmic collapse that feels both monumental and inevitable. Supernovae either become black holes or stellar nurseries. Black holes consume everything, but nurseries? They birth something new. I’m clinging to that hope, even though it feels as desolate as the word “Only.”

It’s illegal to have feelings about these things, isn’t it? To feel hurt is to admit expectations, and to admit expectations is to risk being labeled selfish or demanding. But like the song says, “There is no you, there is only me.” My pain, my disappointment—it all stems from what I wanted. What I needed. What I didn’t receive.

And now, I’m pacing the floor with my stories too. Plotting feels like another supernova—so much destruction, so much rebirth. It’s the hardest part for me. Writing, editing, crafting? That’s joy. Plotting? That’s walking in circles, needing a friend to bounce ideas off, and realizing I have to go it alone.

I’m not popular. I’m a new author. An enjoyable one, I hope! But it takes time for people to notice. In writing and in life, I’ve learned that expectations are natural and normal, but they’re also what cause the most pain. I want to be sought out, considered, cared for, the way I try to do for others. But maybe it’s time to branch out. Maybe it’s time to trust that the right people—those who make me feel like more than “Only”—will find me when it matters most.

Step into the World of Riven
In Riven, Princess Salome ventures beyond the safety of her mystical kingdom to face a world unraveling under the grip of a deadly force. With courage, curiosity, and resilience, she must confront shadows both external and internal.

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